Many people have recently been thrown into working from home, even if you have not been able to do so previously. And, your S.O. may also be at home with you too. This can sound like a vacation to some couples, and a little less fun to other couples. Allow yourselves to have time to adjust to this new normal. You likely will not figure out a perfect system right away, and that is okay. You may find that what works some days will need to be adjusted on other days. Do not expect perfection, from yourself or you S.O. Working from home alongside your sweetie can be a success if you’re able to create healthy boundaries around your workday so you both can be productive and happy.

First, look at your relationship and consider what type of couple you are. Some couples have no issue being around each other pretty consistently. Some couples enjoy much more freedom and independence, and so being stuck together 24/7 may be less than ideal. Remember to do what feels right for your relationship. 

Second, before implementing any of these tips, talk with your partner. Having an open dialogue about each of you are experiencing this whole coworking thing, and what ideas you both have, can be so beneficial. You may find that they see the situation differently than you do. Open communication is key.

Third, if you are already frustrated by the situation, take time to yourself to self-sooth. This means taking time to take deep breaths, remembering all of the wonderful things you love about your partner, and seeing the bigger picture. You may be working in a matchbox. Yelling at each other will only put gasoline on the fire. When expressing yourself or making suggestions, speak calmly and with love. Afterall, you do love this person!

Ok, so now down to the tips. Remember to talk with your partner about what will work best for you both. You may need to compromise on some things, because you are different people with different wants and needs. That is okay, and not unlike any other situations you have navigated in the past. 

1. If you can, work in separate spaces. Maybe you can repurpose a kitchen table or coffee table to be a home office. If you use technology for your work, and you have a laptop, this can be pretty easy to do. Creating separate spaces to do your work without breathing down each other’s neck can be key to cowork peacefully. 

2. Take breaks. You may not have a break room or a water cooler to congregate around, but it’s still important to get up, stretch your body, and walk away from work for a few minutes throughout the day. Here’s the idea - you may decide to take breaks separately, to get some alone time. You may decide that you want some breaks together, so you can check in and/or flirt with your S.O. Or you can do a combination of these! If you take a break by yourself, you can go outside, or open a window. Read a book (yes, a real book). Do some meditation - guided or just breathing by yourself. Okay, fine, you can check your phone… but try to do things that are actually nurturing, rather than just feeding that dopamine feedback loop. 

3. Schedule your lunch. Are you a structured person, or someone who prefers a free-flowing day? What about your partner? You may decide to set up a designated time for lunch so that you both have an idea of when to wind down work for midday. This can cut down on frustration if you like to eat at noon on the dot but your partner would rather work until they’re done with a specific task, no matter the time. Again, you can decide to eat lunch separately or together. You can eat in shifts, like back when you were in high school. This could be especially great if you’re not able to work in different rooms. Or you can sit together, have a little lunch date, chat and look at each other’s faces :) 

4. If you have to be on calls, let each other know in advance what time your meetings are, and let them know where you plan to take that meeting. Again, communicating in advance allows there to be less chaos during your day and more cooperation. 

5. Make sure that you both have a real “end” to the workday. What time is work over? It may not be the same for both of you. But make sure that when work is done, it’s really done. Put the laptop and phones away. When your home is also your workplace, it can be very difficult to have a real boundary between when it is time to work, and when it’s time to just be. It can be helpful to have a little ritual to signal the end of the work day, such as turning off a desk light, putting on some fun music (with headphones, if your love is still working), changing into comfy clothes, or putting on some scented hand lotion. The ritual itself does not matter as much as what it represents: an end to the workday. Now you can take off your professional hat, tune into your S.O., and ask them how their day was :) 

These are just a few ideas aimed at smoothing out your coworking situation with your S.O. Customize these as much as you need to make it fit for your coworking situation. It is okay to try out new things, throw some ideas out the window, or take it day by day if that works for your relationship. Remember that you and your partner are on the same team, and you both want the best for the other. These tips will hopefully help you to compromise, communicate, and find a little bit of balance during a time when there is something new changing every day. 

If you’re struggling with all of the changes happening related to the current coronavirus pandemic, or if you have other personal goals that you are trying to get a handle on, know that you are not alone. This is a challenging time for everyone, with so much uncertainty. If you are feeling especially overwhelmed, anxious, or vigilant, remember you can reach out to a therapist trained in anxiety or trauma to support you! We are here for you. 

If you’d like to work with me, set up a free 15 minute phone consultation by contacting me here or call me at 860-384-7626. Let’s chat!

Brittany Hankard, LMFT is a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in Connecticut and Virginia. Brittany owns an online private practice called Vibrant Solutions LLC. Brittany loves to help smart, driven, people-pleasing women move from self-doubt and perfectionism to confidence and clarity about their lives. If you are interested in working with her, click here to set up a consult or call 860-384-7626.